Stalk-her
A colleague sitting opposite me has been getting a range of raunchy to sentimental SMS's in broken English from an unknown admirer (Aka Stalker).
"I miss you" and "What part of you?" are just a few to begin with.
This one way SMS romance has been going on for a few days until today. Stalkee (my colleague) confronted the Stalker using the office hunting phone line.
After three rings, Stalker picks up the phone.
"Hello? May I know who is this?", asked Stalkee.
"Yellow? Ermm...vhat you vhanting? Who'r you?", replied Stalker in a heavy Indian accent.
"No, what is your name? And why are you SMS-ing me?" asked Stalkee in a firm voice.
"Ohhh...ohh...vhat is your nomborr?," asked Stalker suddenly sounding sickly sweet.
"What? You have been SMS-ing me for the past few days and you don't know my number? How did you get my number?" asked Stalkee who was trying to keep her cool.
"Ohhh..I picketed your nomborr from a phone book. Vhat you like to eat?" cooed the desperate Stalker.
"I am not going to answer your question. Please don't contact me again." said Stalkee
("or I will send your number to the proper authorities to cut of your puny 11th digit off..." I whispered)
"Errrr...vhich part of you?" asked Stalker being selective in his hearing.
"Huh? What part of me what?" asked Stalkee out of frustration and curiousity.
("What part of me wants to slap your horny ass..." I chidded her to reply)
"Vhat part! Vhat part you from?" Stalker finally gets frazzled.
"Once again, I'm not going to answer your questions. I'm asking you nicely to stop SMS-ing me. Do you understand me?" demanded Stalkee.
Silence (One could almost hear half his brain waves trying to connect to the other half on the line)
"Hello?" asked Stalkee while rolling her eyes out of impatience.
"Yellow, yellow. Yokay yokay. No more talking to you. You girls are no funny to talk" replied Stalker in a sulky tone.
And the phone went dead.
My colleague shrugged her shoulders and gently put down the receiver.
I must say she handled the situation pretty well. I would not have wasted my diplomacy on a rectal cranial inversion person (Aka TOTAL ASS)like her Stalker.
I guess the lesson learnt today was...
Don't list your phone number in the directory.
"I miss you" and "What part of you?" are just a few to begin with.
This one way SMS romance has been going on for a few days until today. Stalkee (my colleague) confronted the Stalker using the office hunting phone line.
After three rings, Stalker picks up the phone.
"Hello? May I know who is this?", asked Stalkee.
"Yellow? Ermm...vhat you vhanting? Who'r you?", replied Stalker in a heavy Indian accent.
"No, what is your name? And why are you SMS-ing me?" asked Stalkee in a firm voice.
"Ohhh...ohh...vhat is your nomborr?," asked Stalker suddenly sounding sickly sweet.
"What? You have been SMS-ing me for the past few days and you don't know my number? How did you get my number?" asked Stalkee who was trying to keep her cool.
"Ohhh..I picketed your nomborr from a phone book. Vhat you like to eat?" cooed the desperate Stalker.
"I am not going to answer your question. Please don't contact me again." said Stalkee
("or I will send your number to the proper authorities to cut of your puny 11th digit off..." I whispered)
"Errrr...vhich part of you?" asked Stalker being selective in his hearing.
"Huh? What part of me what?" asked Stalkee out of frustration and curiousity.
("What part of me wants to slap your horny ass..." I chidded her to reply)
"Vhat part! Vhat part you from?" Stalker finally gets frazzled.
"Once again, I'm not going to answer your questions. I'm asking you nicely to stop SMS-ing me. Do you understand me?" demanded Stalkee.
Silence (One could almost hear half his brain waves trying to connect to the other half on the line)
"Hello?" asked Stalkee while rolling her eyes out of impatience.
"Yellow, yellow. Yokay yokay. No more talking to you. You girls are no funny to talk" replied Stalker in a sulky tone.
And the phone went dead.
My colleague shrugged her shoulders and gently put down the receiver.
I must say she handled the situation pretty well. I would not have wasted my diplomacy on a rectal cranial inversion person (Aka TOTAL ASS)like her Stalker.
I guess the lesson learnt today was...
Don't list your phone number in the directory.
posted by Sarah | 11:34 PM
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