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Friday, October 27, 2006

Sleepless in Rawang

Thursday, October 19, 2006

WONG DYNASTY ANNOUNCES EXPANSION IPO AND PRIVILEGES

FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE

WONG DYNASTY ANNOUNCES EXPANSION IPO AND PRIVILEGES
Market’s frenzied response indicates bright future for Wong Dynasty

Rawang, SELANGOR (19 October 2006) – At a star-studded event yesterday, Wong Dynasty Corp. Directors Leigh and Sarah Wong joyfully announced the initial public offering (IPO) for stocks in the Wong Dynasty Expansion Effort (WDEE), as well as corresponding commitments and privileges. The offering allows the public to buy into the Wong Dynasty by pledging various large amounts of financial resources as well as other forms of tangible support to its latest expansion venture.

“We are very thrilled with our new expansion phase,” enthused Wong Giok Leigh, 27, Director-Who-Wears-The-Pants-Or-So-He-Thinks of the Wong Dynasty’s latest venture. “We hope that this IPO will bring in the kind of support that will take us far – especially into our retirement at 45-years-old to a beachfront property at some laid back tropical locale with the family yacht.”

The Wong Dynasty Expansion IPO provides recognitions with an interesting twist. Each investor can opt to invest according to a category, which comes with corresponding responsibilities and privileges (See Chart 1 below for details).

Chart 1 – IPO Investor Levels, Corresponding Commitments and Privileges

Investor Level - Godparent
Commitments
(US$10,000 p.a.)
· Heavy financial investment for all future undertakings of the Wong Dynasty Expansion Effort (WDEE)
· Compulsory attendance for all important events (birthdays, school plays, bar-mitzvah, etc.)
· Extremely gratuitous gift-giving compulsory for Birthdays, Chinese New Year and Christmas
Privileges
· Unlimited hugs and kisses, without prompting
· Unlimited recognition and immediate address in Sweet Voice™ as “Kai Yeh/Kai Ma”, without any prompting
· Unlimited “Annoyance” privileges
· Unlimited showcases of reverential attitude, even until maturity of the WDEE (including telling friends about how wonderful and influential “Kai Yeh/Kai Ma” is to the WDEE)

Investor Level - True Family Friend
Commitments
(US$5,000 p.a.)
· Moderate financial investment for educational and developmental future undertakings of the WDEE
· Compulsory attendance for some important events, namely Birthdays.
· Very gratuitous gift giving encouraged for Birthdays, Chinese New Year and Christmas
Privileges
· Unlimited hugs and kisses, with prompting
· Dependant-on-mood recognition and immediate address in Sweet Voice™ as “Uncle/Auntie/Mr./Mrs.” with some prompting
· Limited “Annoyance” privileges

Investor Level - Old Family Friend
Commitments
(US$3,000 p.a.)
· Small financial investment for educational and developmental future undertakings of the WDEE
· Encouraged attendance for some important events, namely Birthdays.
· Gratuitous gift giving encouraged for Birthdays, Chinese New Year and Christmas
Privileges
· Limited hugs and kisses (once upon meeting, once upon departing)
· Dependant-on-mood recognition and immediate address in Sweet Voice™ as “Uncle/Auntie/Mr./Mrs.”

Investor Level - Family Friend
Commitments
(US$1,000 p.a.)
· Gratuitous gift giving encouraged for Birthdays, Chinese New Year and Christmas
Privileges
· Handshake/Curtsy upon arriving and departure (without prompting)
· Dependant-on-mood recognition and immediate address in Sweet Voice™ voice as “Mr./Mrs.”

Investor Level - Others
Commitments
(below US$1,000 p.a.)
· Try-not-to-be-cheap gift giving encouraged for Birthdays, Chinese New Year and Christmas
Privileges
· Handshake/Curtsy upon arriving and departure (with prompting)
· Dependant-on-mood recognition and immediate address in normal voice as “Mr./Mrs.”

Investor Level - Others
Commitments
· Stay away from the WDEE, or else!
Privileges
· A strict warning of, “Never talk to strangers. Otherwise, aim the mace at his/her eyes”


To apply as an IPO Investor, interest parties are encouraged to submit an application form as well as copies of identification cards, financial (bank/insurance/investment) statements, three most-recent pay slips, and a signed affidavit declaring unwavering dedication to the stipulated commitments. Forms can be retrieved from the Wong Dynasty headquarters in Rawang, Selangor. All applications must be received before 1 June 2007.

Wong Dynasty’s Director-Who-REALLY-Wears-The-Pants, Sarah Goh Ai Lin (age undisclosed) was also at the event, though she was unavailable for comment to the media. Her pale-but-happy countenance fueled investor speculation today on interest in digestive medication, toilet tissue and toilet bowl stocks.

In related news yesterday, the current Patriarch of the Wong Dynasty, Wong Hee Kee, 54, was awarded the Darjah Kebesaran Cahaya Mata Dynasty Wong (CMDW), which carries with it the title, “Datuk.”


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